I took almost a year off from serious writing.

Last October I hit a personal wall. I had lived through a totally crap year and was struggling in all aspects of my life. I was overwhelmed; recovering from sexual harassment which did a number on my self esteem, lost a great job because of it (my boss was the culprit), and, I had been when this hit me, nursing an emotional/sexual trust wound that had not yet healed. To say, I needed time away from everything that was even remotely related is an understatement. So, I did the severe and severed. I asked my then boyfriend(now husband) if we could take a month or so completely off. I stopped writing. I focused on nothing but healing myself and being with my kids.

The thing that helped me through all of this was journaling. I wrote, and wrote. I wrote all of my journal entries as if I wrote to my now husband. I shared these with him when we started to talk again and he was blown away with what I had done to heal myself and how much I was connected to him in this journey. He had also explored his soul, and desires, while we were apart, and had discovered he too, no matter what, needed me in his life, as his life partner and soul mate.

We married this past June.

I am now at a point where life is really F*ing fantastic and I want to start writing again. I really need too. I have all these story ideas that swirl into my mind but I am afraid. It is strange to say that because really, with my journaling, I have never really stopped. What scares me is when I write a romance story, or a sexual story, or any fiction, the story consumes me. When I am at work, at home, with the kids, story bits come flying into my head and I need to write them down, and get them out. I think I am afraid that if I start back my life will change again. I fear that life will go backward. That the circles I have fought so hard to rid my life of will start again.

I open my WIP every day. I tweak a sentence. I write a new one. Or two. Or even an entire page.

But then… I stop.

I think about my kids, I think about my husband and I wonder, can I do it all again?

Can I be a the good mother I know I am (the kind my kids deserve), be the good wife and lover my husband deserves (especially after all my husband and I have been through to get here), work a high tech full time job, and write the stories that swirl in my head?

So I have decided to write of my struggles for awhile, to share with you all my triumphs with getting my next story out of my head and down on paper.

Hugs,
Lacy.

Labels: Family, love, Mr. Danes, personal growth, writing